shrugs.
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hmm well looks like I've been posting pretty regularly since this blog was set up in the sense that I post every month HAHA which I think is well, pretty great. Anyway, today I'm back with another ramble so bear with my nonsense for a while or skip this post haha thanks.

I don't know how else to put this. I like you, but I can't like you. I shouldn't like you. It's all wrong and I know it but I don't now how to stop this. The emotions just keep gushing out like water through a crack in a bucket, and the thing is it's mostly pain more than anything else. Why? Because for one thing, I know I can't and shouldn't like you. Secondly? Because I know I'll never be liked in return. Thirdly? Even if I was liked in return, I'd still decline. Why? Because the fact still remains that I'd rather have my own heart ripped into shreds with the pain of it breaking than to risk myself causing the same pain to you as I once did to him.

It's wrong, it's all so wrong, and I know it. Teach me how to stop it, please. You have no idea how my heart aches and wails and my soul writhes in agony, unseen, below the facade of my smile. Tell me straight in the face maybe so my heart can be reduced to nothing and I will never feel again. Last year when I tried to make myself feel for him as he did for me, my heart refused to un-numb itself. But now it lies sensitive and vulnerable within the cavity of my chest, surrounded by the "walls" of my ribcage that do nothing in protecting it from emotional hurt. Teach me how to not love you, please.
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